Cultivating the Fruit of Love

If you were to do a search on the word ‘love’ in the Bible you would find that it is scattered throughout the pages of Scripture.  In fact, the word love appears in almost every book of the Bible.  Love is a central theme of God’s own nature and character and his revelation to man.  Three of the most significant themes of the Bible are faith, hope and love.  In 1st Corinthians 13:13 the apostle Paul writes, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”  Here we see that love is the apex of the Christian life.  In fact, I would venture to say that the rest of the fruit of the spirit (joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) flows out of love itself.

But what is the ‘fruit of love’ and how does the Bible define it?

Firstly, if we were to look at a more worldly perspective on love it might look something like:

          - Love is primarily based on feelings and emotion

          - Love is having my needs met

          - Love is based on conditions and the performance of others

          - Love is self-focused (self is the object)

The above definition is why so many people fall out of love.  They are largely basing love on an emotion and the barometer of having their personal needs met.  While I am definitely not minimizing the importance of feelings or genuinely having our needs met in relationships, this is not the biblical definition of love or the fruit we are called to cultivate.

From a biblical perspective love is something completely different.  Here is a sample of what the Bible conveys concerning love:

          - Love covers all wrongs (Proverbs 10:12)

          - Love is sincere (Romans 12:9)

          - Love builds up (I Corinthians 8:1)

          - Love does not indulge in the sinful nature but serves others (Galatians 5:13)

          - Love is patient and kind (I Corinthians 13)

          - Love is not proud, rude, self-seeking or easily angered (I Corinthians 13)

          - Love does not keep a record of wrongs (I Corinthians 13)

          - Love does no harm to its neighbor (Romans 13:10)

          - Love seeks to love and pray for enemies (Matthew 5, Romans 12)

          - Love is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10)

          - Love strives to be one in purpose and spirit (Philippians 2:2)

          - Love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8)

          - Love drives out fear (I John 4:18)

          - Love is primarily God and other-centered (Matthew 22:37-40)

In 1st John 3:16 the apostle John enlightens us on the ultimate biblical definition of love by stating, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”  Here we are informed that the true essence of the fruit of love is humility, other-centeredness, and self-sacrifice.  The apostle Paul elaborates on the concept of Christ’s example of sacrificial love in Philippians 2:5-8 as he writes that Christ: made himself nothing, took on the nature of a servant, humbled himself, and became obedient to death.  Christ demonstrated the heart and soul of the fruit of love by laying down his life for us that he might personally pay the penalty for ‘our’ sin, restore us to a right relationship with God, and enable us to have life to the full (John 10:10).

One would think that the direct opposite of love is hatred, and in many ways it is.  However, the ultimate antithesis of the fruit of love is self-centeredness or self-preoccupation.  The more we are inwardly motivated by a love of self the less we will grow and mature in the fruit of love.  In Philippians 2:3-4 the apostle Paul elaborates more on this biblical concept of love as he calls us to, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  Here we are called to actually have an inward, humble attitude that others are more significant than we are, and that we are to look to their interests more than (or at least as much as) our own.  This type of love is other worldly and often not an easy thing to do, yet this is the very fruit of love we are called to cultivate.

So how do we cultivate this fruit of love?  The only way to cultivate true love is to gradually and inwardly let go of self.  There is no magical formula, pill, or step-by-step procedure to weed out selfishness and self-centeredness.  It is a slow process of dying to self.  The simple matter is that the more we hold on to self and selfish desires the less we will grow in love.  Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35)  It appears that sacrificial and loving acts are a universal language.  Wherever you go people are impressed with those who sacrifice their time, energy, and very lives for the sake of others.  In fact, everyone I meet with tells me they feel a genuine sense of goodness inside when they have reached out and done something for the sake of someone else.  This is because this kind of love flows out of God’s very nature and character, and is the kind of love he intends for us to display as his people.  Cultivating the fruit of love simply starts by taking the proactive step to do something outside of yourself for the sake of someone else.
 

 

 

Cultivating the Fruit of the Spirit

As I work with people, when you get right down to it, it is evident that what they really want is the fruit of the spirit in their lives.  They want love.  They want joy.  They want peace.  They want to be more patient with themselves and with others.  They want to gain more self-control over their lives.  Because we are created in the image of God, and the fruit of the spirit is God’s ideal for our lives, it should not surprise us that we inwardly crave for what God actually wants for us – what he created us to be.

In Galatians 5:22-23 the apostle Paul informs us that, “the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  The true road to contentment and inner tranquility runs right through this fruit of the spirit.  The more we reflect Christ in our lives and become what God intends us to be as his creatures, the more we will have personal fulfillment here on earth.  The farther we move away from God’s ideal for our lives the more we will have inner conflict and turmoil.

It seems odd and redundant to say that the more we cultivate love, joy, and peace in our lives the more we will have love, joy, and peace.  However, the problem is that we are often looking for these things in the wrong places.  Or, we are on the wrong road to get where we want to be.  I am writing a series on cultivating the fruit of the spirit.  Certainly not that I have perfected this in my own life, but my goal is to get us thinking about this topic as we are all on our own road to spiritual  sanctification, health, and maturity.
 

Our Problems and the Fallen World

The third factor in the problems that we face is the reality that we live in a fallen world.  Ever since Adam and Eve rebelled against God in the Garden of Eden, things have not been the way they are supposed to be.  Jesus himself said, “In this world you will have trouble.” (John 16:33)  Here Jesus is informing us to ‘expect’ that at times things will go wrong here on earth.  As Christians we often have an inward attitude that things are supposed to go right for us.  We believe and expect that God is supposed to protect us from any harm coming to us.  When bad things happen we become perplexed and wonder why we are experiencing this trial.  We may even begin to doubt God’s sovereignty and his goodness.  This belief and attitude often flows from improper expectations of life and a minimization of the broken and twisted world that we live in.  I often say that we should really be more surprised when things go right, not when they go wrong.  By saying this I am not trying to paint a negative picture of the world we live in, just a more realistic one.  The reality is that at one point or another we are all prone to experience difficult times here on earth.

I was working with a woman who had a couple of disappointing experiences with dating men.  In both cases the men showed a strong interest, but when things began to get serious they panicked and bailed out of the relationship.  As we were processing her experiences she was asking questions such as, “What is God up to?  What does He want me to learn from this?  Is He sending me the message that I should not seek marriage?”, and “What am I doing wrong?  What am I doing that is chasing these men away?  There must be something wrong with me.”  The more we processed her situation the more I came to the conclusion that her disappointing experiences were significantly due to the choices that these men personally made to abruptly abandon the relationship.  Her experience was not largely about God trying to teach her some large lesson of life (even though God will sovereignly use this situation in her life), or due her own failures and responsibility.  Her trial was more about a human experience of life in a twisted and broken world where we are all broken people.

The truth is that Christians get diseases, are involved in tragic accidents, suffer at the hands of natural disasters, and experience disappointing and difficult trials in life.  To expect everything to go right all the time is to expect that we will have heaven on earth.  God has not promised us heaven on earth.  God promised us heaven in heaven.  In Revelation 21:1-4 we read, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them.  They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  Here we read that one day there will be no more trials, suffering, pain, or death.  As Christians we will one day live eternally with God in perfect harmony and peace.  However, the current reality is that here on earth we will have trials and suffering.

As we await Christ’s return and the ushering in of the new heaven and earth, instead of constantly swimming against the current of the fall, we would probably do better to turn around and learn to swim with the fall.

Swimming ‘with’ the fall means that we:

1. Maintain proper expectations of life on earth.

2. Continue to grow in our faith and trust in God, realizing that God is truly with us in the midst of every situation we face.

3. Learn to accept the ups and downs that life inevitably brings.

4. Maintain an eternal (heavenly) focus and perspective as we live out our existence here on earth.

“Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (II Corinthians 4:16-18)

 

 

Our Problems and Our Responsibility

The first factor we looked at when considering the three factors that are involved in every problem and situation that we face was, Our Problems and God’s Sovereignty.  The second factor in the trials and problems (and the good stuff) that we experience in life is our own responsibility.

We make choices every day and it is often our own choices (or lack of choices) that play into our problems.  If I impulsively gamble all my money away I cannot blame God or anyone else for my own folly.  I am ultimately responsible for my own choices and their consequences.  Proverbs 19:3 states, “A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord.”  I have worked with people who continue to make poor choices for their life and yet they shake an angry fist at God for their situation.

Another way our human responsibility comes into view is the role we play in bringing about the positive things that happen for our life.  I work with singles that have a strong desire to be married and some will tell me that they do not feel that God is blessing them with a mate.  However when I probe as to what they are actively doing to meet people, I will sometimes find that they are not really doing much of anything.  To those who are very socially inactive and not putting themselves in a position to meet people I might say something like, “Even though I know that God could miraculously bring someone into your life, the chance of this happening while you are repeatedly sitting in front of the television with the remote and a gallon of ice cream is much more unlikely.”

Finally, we need to consider and work on our own personal issues that lie beneath our situations.  Several years ago, I was working with a man who had a lot of deep personal and relational issues.  In addition to much pent up anger and bitterness he had significant challenges in relating to people and getting along with others.  As a result, he had been through several jobs due to simply quitting or being let go because of his poor attitude and actions.  One day as we were talking he stated that he was not seeing God’s blessing in his life.  God was not blessing him with a steady job and a successful career.  In the midst of our discussion on God’s blessing I pointed him to his own responsibility in the balance by stating, “Even if God were to graciously bless you with a job, you still need to be able to keep it.  You still have the responsibility of dealing with any underlying issues and problems that hinder you from getting along with others and maintaining relational peace in the workplace.”

As we look to the underlying factors of the problems that we face we cannot neglect looking at our own responsibility in the mix of life.  To fail to look at ourselves may ultimately lead to a victim mentality and blaming God and everyone else for our situation in life.

Next I will focus on factor #3!
 

 

In this series I will touch upon three factors that are involved in every situation and problem that we experience or face.  It is important to understand these three factors as we seek to make sense of the trails and temptations that we face.

Our Problems and God's Sovereignty

 

The first factor is God’s sovereignty.  God’s sovereignty has to do with His authority, rule, power, and control.  Whatever we are facing (or have faced) in life, God's sovereignty is at the center of it.  Although we may not fully understand, God has a reason and a purpose for everything that happens under the sun.  There is no ‘comedy of errors’ in life.  As Job, one of the greatest human sufferers of all time stated concerning God, “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.” (Job 42:2)  Whatever shoes you have walked in, God is ultimately in the midst of your life and circumstances.  Nothing gets past God's notice, permission, and eternal plan for your life.

I am an avid ice-hockey player and still play at the ripe young age of 53.  Two summers ago I broke my ankle in a freak accident while playing in a game and had to have surgery to repair the damage.  As I thought this would certainly be a career ending injury my first response was, “Lord, why did this have to happen?  I have played hockey all my life and it is something that I really enjoy and look forward to.  Please don’t take this away from me!”  However, I am convinced that God’s sovereignty was right in the middle of my infamous hockey accident.  Firstly, I was giving way too much attention and focus on my ice-hockey.  I had played in a winter league, two spring leagues, and was currently playing in a summer league.  Secondly, I was continuously talking about writing a book on marriage, but was never really getting around to it.  I believe that God was sending me the message that my priorities were off and it was time to get writing that book I was always talking about.  So, while I was laid up with a broken ankle I wrote a book titled, Tails that Wag the Dog in Marriage that I am currently in the process of getting published.

In Isaiah 55:9-11 we read’ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.  As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

I am a firm believer that God's sovereignty is the most significant factor in every problem or situation that we face.  Even if we cannot clearly see God's purpose and our situation makes no sense to us, God's sovereignty is at the center of everything that we encounter.

Stay tuned for factor #2!